Breaking the Cycle: Overcoming Abuse in Relationships

Abuse in relationships and marriages is a pervasive issue affecting millions worldwide. As someone who has experienced this firsthand, I understand the pain, confusion, and hopelessness that comes with being trapped in an abusive cycle. In this blog post, we’ll explore the nature of abusive relationships, share my personal story, provide important facts and resources, and explain how QWAN Enterprises can help those seeking to break free from abuse.

Facts About Relationship Abuse

• 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, sexual violence, and/or stalking (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence).

• On average, it takes a victim seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship before leaving for good (National Domestic Violence Hotline).

My Story

I once believed in fairy tales, in love that conquered all. But my story with my ex-husband was far from a happily ever after. Instead, it was a maze of manipulation, a carousel of control that made me lose my sense of self.

At first, my ex was charming and attentive—everything I thought I wanted. His love felt like a dream come true, like Cinderella finding her Prince Charming. However, that dream quickly turned into a nightmarish reality.

It started with little things:

• He’d show up unexpectedly when I was shopping.

• He’d make suggestions about my clothes.

• “I don’t want anyone to see your shape,” he’d say.

I didn’t understand then because I was wearing jeans and full t-shirts and sweaters. But I ignored the red flags, thinking he really loved me and didn’t want anyone looking at what he claimed as his.

Then came the explosions of accusatory remarks, stalker behaviors, and controlling behavior. He’d question me about how long I was gone when I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. These outbursts were followed by tearful apologies and promises to change when I threatened to leave. “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again,” he’d swear, and I wanted so badly to believe him. Each time, hope flickered in my heart, wishing he would change.

But the cycle always started again. My world shrank as he isolated me from family and friends. My confidence crumbled under the weight of his criticism. “My ex-wife cheated on me, I saw my mother cheat on my father when he was in the hospital,” he’d say when I cried. “You’re remembering it wrong or I wasn’t that bad,” he’d insist when I confronted him about past incidents.

I began to doubt my own mind, my own memories. Was I really imagining things or overreacting as he claimed? Maybe if I just tried harder, loved more selflessly, he would finally change.

It took years to realize the problem wasn’t me. His promises were as empty as I felt. Real love doesn’t demand you shrink yourself to fit someone else’s expectations or their unresolved trauma.

Leaving wasn’t easy, but the final straw was when I discovered he was not only a sex addict but also addicted to prostitutes. The fear of the unknown was almost as paralyzing as the fear of staying. But I did it. Step by step, I reclaimed my life, my identity, my self-worth with the help of Christ.

It’s been a long journey learning how to love myself first and put boundaries in place to care for me more. For years, I struggled with putting everyone else’s needs before my own, always saying “yes” when I really wanted to say “no.” I felt drained, overwhelmed, and lost. But slowly, I began to realize that self-care isn’t selfish - it’s necessary.

My journey to self-care:

1. Started small, setting tiny boundaries here and there

2. Gradually built up the courage to prioritize my own well-being

3. Faced setbacks but kept moving forward

4. Found more peace, joy, and a deeper connection with myself and Christ

5. Learned to listen to my inner voice and honor my needs

6. Cultivated relationships that support my growth

Understanding the Cycle of Abuse

Abuse in relationships often follows a predictable pattern:

1. Tension Building: The abuser becomes increasingly irritable and controlling.

2. Incident: The abuse occurs, whether physical, emotional, or verbal.

3. Reconciliation: The abuser apologizes and may promise it won’t happen again.

4. Calm: A period of relative peace, often called the “honeymoon phase.”

This cycle repeats, often becoming more severe over time.

How Q.W.A.N. Enterprises Can Help

At QWAN Enterprises, we are committed to supporting survivors of abuse and helping them rebuild their lives. Our services include:

• One-on-one coaching: Personalized guidance tailored to your needs

• Do-it-for-you program: Let us handle the heavy lifting by allowing us to dig deep into your situation and gather up a plan and all the necessary guidance and steps that you will need to succeed.

• Accountability partnerships: Stay on track with a dedicated partner

Our team of experienced professionals understands the unique challenges faced by abuse survivors and is dedicated to providing compassionate, trauma-informed care.

Take the First Step

Breaking free from an abusive relationship is a journey, but you don’t have to walk it alone. It’s a path filled with challenges, self-doubt, and fear, but it’s also one that leads to healing, empowerment, and a brighter future. Remember, you deserve to feel safe, respected, and loved.

If you’re ready to take the first step towards healing and reclaiming your life, we’re here to help. Our team of compassionate professionals understands the complexities of abusive relationships and can provide you with the support, resources, and guidance you need to move forward.

Whether you need:

• A listening ear

• Practical advice

• Assistance with creating a safety plan

We’re here for you. You’ve already shown incredible strength by considering this step. Now, let us stand beside you as you continue on your path to recovery and rediscovery of your true self.

Don’t hesitate to reach out. Your journey to freedom and healing starts with a single step, and we’re here to support you every step of the way.

Fill out our CONTACT FORM to speak with Qwanetta Richardson and learn more about how Q.W.A.N. Enterprises can support you on your path to recovery and empowerment.

Remember, you deserve to be safe, respected, and loved. Your journey to healing starts here.

Resources for Help

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, help is available:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

• National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)